Why Holly is my favourite Geordie Shore character
‘I’m fit, I’m flirty, and I’ve got double F’s’ I was going to make that the only sentence of this blog. That’s all I need to say, right? Who could possibly disagree with me based on that personal summary? You’d be a part of a very small minority if you did disagree. I then thought, well, this is a blog right? I should probably type some more about the wonderful Holly Hagan (oh yes, I’m on full name terms) and I will happily do that.
For those who are ill informed, Geordie Shore is possibly the greatest show to ever be broadcast. I feel sorry for you if you haven’t seen it, or if you disagree. If you disagree then I have no words, I’m sure you appreciate how wrong you are and you must continue reading to convince yourself otherwise. Geordie Shore has for a long time been my moral compass. The individuals on the show are fantastic ambassadors for all that is right and well with the human race and I often turn to Holly and co when life is getting a bit tricky. Oh I can’t keep this up.
GEORDIE SHORE IS TERRIBLY YUM.
I’m not really sure if that makes sense, but nor does the programme, the people on it, or the repetitive nature of events that keeps me so infatuated. In brief, the show consists of 7 Newcastle peoples (well, 6 Newcastle and 1 Smoggie – well done if you knew that, 10 GS points) drinking, going out, pulling, throwing up, gyrating and fighting. Again and again. But oh MY is it captivating, especially Holly. She’s had more hair colourings than a bag of Skittles and that’s why I love her so. She’s never the same person – sometimes slutty, (sometimes? I hear you cry), sometimes childish but always intellectually engaged… Well she knows a lot about certain aspects of biology, put it that way.
Now that you have an idea of what the show is all about (you already would have, I’m sure) you can now agree with me that Holly is the best thing about it. Here’s my season-by-season run down from memory, let’s see how well my black and white memory is…
Seasons 1 & 2 – Black hair. Larger person. Youngest of the group. Only one of Middlesbrough origin. Boyfriend. In the first two seasons, poor old Miss Hagan was a bit of an outcast in the group. No one really got on with her. In part this was due to her being from Middlesbrough and being a bit of a silly sausage. Her boyfriend was an interesting individual and the two never really wanted to be together. Shame that.
Season 3 – Cancun. I think she went to red hair at this point? No boyfriend. Started to have a great time with James. If I remember correctly she attended the most night outs of the group (joint with Gaz) which of course makes her the best female in the house. Commitment.
Seasons 4&5 – Newcastle & Geordie Tours. James gets a girlfriend, she gets binned. Become intimately involved with Scotty T. Still has red hair. James was pretty horrible to her, everyone else seemingly was on Holly’s side. No longer an outcast but a staple part of the Geordie Shore house. She’s made it.
Season 6 thus far – She’s been kicked out of Sydney’s biggest club and the Geordie Shore house in episode 1, or at least I think she was kicked out – maybe she left on her own accord for a few days. Ahh formalities. Now has purple hair and looks the best she’s ever looked (pay reference to the yum above). Had another go on Scotty T, will almost certainly regret it. Still flying around having a great time and has finally made up with James. Kind of.
So, my memory isn’t fantastic but from what I have remembered, look at what she’s offered! Different hair colours, large chest objects and a canny sense of mischief. Utterly loveable. She’s just the type of girl you could chill out with sipping a cosmo, talking about politics and stuff. Or male genitalium. Yea she’s probably more inclined to chat about the latter. Arguably it’s more high-brow than politics ‘and stuff’.
In summary, anyone who shakes their torso during the opening credits of Geordie Shore and utters the very words that started this blog entry off, in my eyes, is an absolute hero. Holly Hagan, that honour is yours. I sincerely enjoy and embrace the time we spend together on a Tuesday evening at 10pm and I cannot wait for my next instalment. As a final note, and somewhat a side note, MTV listen up. The opening credits are shocking. Holly now has super imposed purple on top of her original red hair, was that necessary? May we have not know who she was if it weren’t for the purple hair in the credits? ‘Oh yeaaaa it’s Holly! I only realised because of the purple hair, cheers MTV!’ Maybe her chest is a hint, no? One last thing, Scotty T’s ‘I’m gonna tear the place up’ or whatever he harps on about was obviously recorded in a metallic dustbin, surely that could’ve been done in a studio?
In fact, ignore that, who am I kidding? These are all reasons why I love Geordie Shore. It’s tacky and trashy, but it fills me up on a Tuesday evening. Take that as you will.